HUH! What is it Good For?

War. We all know that War is OK really, and a necessary part of the wacky wheel of life we all clutch on to lest centrifugal forces spin us off into the miasmic Inky Blackness of post-lifenessness. With this in mind, one arm of JONCo 2000 has been busy grooming the moustaches of much-misunderstood military dictators and fascist military-industrial complexes in order to fully actualise the smutty financial dreams of Them, and our Shrewd Investors, whilst another has been beavering away up our technological skirts whilst still a third has been communicating to our adoring public in a manner similar to semaphore but without holding any flags.

"That's all gravy JONCo 2000, but how does this relate to what you have been banging on about recently?" you may ask, and you would be entirely correct as ever. Well, the burgeoning public response and critical acclaim that our last Message to the Peoples brought forth has caused a huge Upsurge in demand for our JC2k-FLOATR Personal Submersible range, to the extent people have been asking "Can you blow stuff up with them?" and "Did you fix the Duck Problem?" and "What about the threat from sub-aquatic ninjas and James Bond and that?".

So, it is with great bashing of fanfares we can unveil plans for our prototype Nuclears Submersible model, the #24, as you can see here:



(Don't tell anyone, as you can see it's Top Secrets.) An overwhelming 45% of recent visitors to this Internet Blogsite voted Kittens, and to show we listen to our faithful readership we decided to stick kittens down there to test the facilities. Don't worry, they feel at home in dark, enclosed spaces and the close proximation to the Nuclears keeps them warm through the long arctic nights.

Such is the manner in which we continue to ensure our products are Safe For You, and ensure the R.O.I. for our Shrewd Investors in nicer than Beyonce.

Personal Submersibles

"So what great and valuefull products will JONCo 2000 be offering the discerning consumer in the near future?" some bloke recently asked. Well, now I have the appropriate security clearance to lift our hi-tech skirt and reveal the saucy ankle of the next trend due to take the personal transportation market by the horns -- forget jet-packs, it's all about Personal Submersibles.



On the left there you can see with your eyes an example of the production-ready 1-3 person (depending how friendly they are) personal submersible JONCo 2000 model #JC2k-FLOATR-23.

I know, it's amazing isn't it?

Scientists like me will continue to tell you technology & circuits and that proceed to get smaller and smaller along with the robots required to build them because it's true. Exemplification comes with the observation of that model above, which is in fact made of a type of metal, close-proximated with an early prototype version made of wood, which does work.


As you can see, it's bigger.

Given JONCo's long-term ambition stack, which is leaning upward towards the stars, we decided to pursue the metal version because we had trouble getting to wood version to sink, and we had trouble with ducks. With One Eye Up The Future™ (which we always have) we decided that a space ship is basically a submersible with rockets on it and therefore deduced that wood may not be the best material for conducting mammals safely into outer space, which is quite a long way away.

Such long-term thinking is typical of the revolutionary but conservative fiscal strategies we employ i.e. re-using bits from one thing and sticking them on another thing to maximise R.O.I. for our shrewd investors.



Similarly we envisage the navi-computer (based on our Pat. Pending advanced bio-AI engine codenamed bigbot) will need few modifications to leap bravefully from the murky depths to the bright, bright stars -- along with our profits.

We Care about You

Here we see a young feline mammal known as "Derek". As those of you with rudimentary visual facilities and a brain may be able to discern, Derek lives in the cellar. It is dark and cold in the cellar. JONCo 2000 has determined, over the years, that these are the optimum storage conditions for this variety of mammal. Efficient sealage ensures mammals like Derek are unable to escape into the warm sunlight where fur deterioration and other undesireable effects may occur.

JONCo 2000 thusly stores all the young feline mammals that painfully expire during the testing of our next-gen products, ensuring they are Safe for You.

Mission Statement

JONCo 2000 is a for-profit organisation that seeks to increase Human Understanding about The Future by means of technology from the future being made available contemporaneously.